A Sad Victoria Day

There'll be no fireworks tonight,
Nor beer,
Nor drunken domestic men.
No sex in canoes,
And no northern lights.
Nope, there'll be no fireworks tonight.

Note: I realize that this isn't haiku per se, but really, where else would I post such verse?

Another note: I wrote this on the sad occasion of my first May Two-Four weekend spent away from my country in many a year. Throughout, you will notice the pining way in which I reflect upon common Canadian events during this time. Rest assured, I do not participate in these activities. I am merely amused by them. So, well, you can all sleep sound tonight; I'm not crazy. Or anything.

The Road to Loma Linda

We're stuck in traffic
There are lots of mattresses
Drivers shouldn't sleep

The Glorious Beginning

O Doctor Bradley,
Your motorcycle is cool.
Congratulations.

Group presentations
Loathsome entities of doom
Please stop fidgeting.

There are windows here.
People outside can see us.
Stop copulating.

Dasani, my love,
Hawaii water is gross.
And so I drink you.

O dear pheremones.
What would I do without you?
Maybe I'd study.

Women of the world...
Please wear your jeans much higher,
For my retinas.

Her eyes are foggy
Like mist over the water
Might be cataracts!

O Doctor Bradley
You're such an aging hippie
But that's why you're cool